Tips for Families Dealing with the Emotional Struggles of Basic Training
Your son/daughter tells you they are joining the military — and it’s an exhilarating moment, but as a parent or caregiver, there is a rush of uncertainty. Basic training, commonly referred to as “boot camp”, is the first major change in their lives as a service member. For parents, this is both a difficult and an emotional time. It’s a time crowded with questions, yearning, and a desperate wish to make sure your son/daughter is OK. The fear of the unknown as your child leaves home, often for the first time. This guide is meant to provide you with encouragement, tips, and support as you embark on this new chapter.
Embrace the Mix of Emotions
It is perfectly normal to ride the emotional rollercoaster when your child goes off to basic training. Try not to worry, my wife and I both were an emotional wreck when our son went off to boot camp. Yes, men…. it’s okay to be worried too! Pride and worry — even a sense of loss — can intermingle in ways you can’t anticipate. “I was so proud,” one parent wrote, whose son graduated from Navy boot camp, “but I also cried myself to sleep the first week. It felt like my heart had packed its bag and just left.’ A tip for coping with these feelings is to acknowledge and validate these feelings. Hearing these words from a parent adds to the highs and lows of being a parent.
Stay Connected—Within Limits
Basic training has limited means of communication. Especially for the first few weeks. One parent shared, “An initial call letting us know that they made it was all we received for several days.” Letters are often their main form of contact, and though it can be frustrating that you might not hear your child’s voice on a regular basis, these letters feel like precious lifelines. Write often. Sending updates from home, encouragement, and affirmation that you are proud of their journey. Another parent offered this advice; “Even if you don’t get a response right away, keep writing. They’re reading your words, and it’s the world for them.”
Trust the Process
Basic training’s purpose is to turn recruits, (your sons and daughters) into disciplined, resilient service members. Although the rigors of the training can seem daunting, it’s important to trust in the process. Your child builds skills, confidence, and camaraderie. Many parents find comfort in hearing what is happening to their child. Websites such as Military OneSource (https://www.militaryonesource.mil/) go over the branches’ basic training programs in detail. Understanding the structure and goals of basic training can help you alleviate some of the uncertainty.
Find Your Support Network
It's not alone when you do this program. Engaging with other military parents may create a sense of community and shared understanding. Many bases, recruiting offices, and online groups provide support networks for service members’ parents. The National Military Family Association is a great resource to help you locate these communities. The reassurance of sharing experiences and hearing from people who have traveled this road before you can be hugely comforting.
Lean on Faith and Resilience
Faith can be a bedrock for many parents during this period. Just praying for protection, for strength, for peace can be comforting. One parent stated, “I prayed every night, knowing that God was looking after my son.” Another parent shared, “Be it faith, meditation, or any other form of spiritual grounding, a sense of inner strength will see you through this time of separation.”
Celebrate Small Victories
The first letter, the milestone moments during training, and the eventual graduation day are all victories to celebrate. These accomplishments are as much yours as they are your child’s. You’ve raised someone able, strong, and capable enough to heed the call to defend their country.
Final Thoughts
Basic training is not only a trial of your son's or daughter’s muscle and grit — it’s a trial of your (moms and dads) fortitude as a parent. You can take pride in your child’s courage and commitment and remember that this is only the start of a journey rich with growth and purpose. So, through this process please use the resources available to you and know that the feelings of pride you have today will be magnified through each milestone you achieve every day.
Just know, as the author of this article, 10 years later, we are still proud military parents who have dealt with the empty nester as our son left for boot camp, several long-term deployments in unknown locations, and extended periods with no communication. It’s a journey all military caregivers can relate to, remember you’re not alone and there are many resources out there for your benefit. (www.militarychild.org).
Useful Resources
To learn more about the journey your child is on and to access other supports:
Military OneSource Significant resources for military families.
National Military Family Association August 2013: Aim helps very well; News — National Military Family Association
Army Basic Training: Overview: Basic Training Phases.
Resources for Article One
Military OneSource
Comprehensive information and support for military families, including resources about basic training for each branch.
National Military Family Association
Provides support, advocacy and community connections for military families facing challenges including basic training.
Benefits of Army Basic Training Overview
Explains the different stages and how Army basic training is structured, a good read for parents curious to know what their service members goes through.
